is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
