I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
