Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
