Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize