I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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