Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
