whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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