do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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