There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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