Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
