my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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