Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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