How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
