Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
