so that wasnt chicken after all
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
