so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
