listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
