i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
