I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
did you just send me my own nude
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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