They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
