People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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