i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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