we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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