I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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