The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize