i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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