how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My liver just broke up with me...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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