im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
