dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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