Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
