its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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