They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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