he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
