Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
