your room smells of hookers.
And success
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
