he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
