I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Terrible idea I love it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
