please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
