Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
