someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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