I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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