i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My bed smells like the plague
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
