when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
