Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize