i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
