i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
