OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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