haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize