she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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