okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
