My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
