Your face is a jimmy john
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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