I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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