see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
