My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't deserve a penis
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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