Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
