He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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