Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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