the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
