i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
