it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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