FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
