why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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