i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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