i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
