If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
