Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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